Pending

Do you ever feel like your life is pending?

Sometimes I find myself at that place. That place of wondering, of stalling, of waiting. Waiting for the unknown.

I have been at these places before. My life was pending at the end of my pregnancy, when I was just waiting for a delivery, but had no control over how it would unfold.

My life was pending during the match process for my husband’s residency, where we could have been placed anywhere in the country, and we just had to wait until Match Day and a piece of paper to find out how we would spend the next four years of our lives.

Sometimes I feel like some of my relationships are pending; not really that bad and not really that good, just pending, waiting to see what will happen in the future.

The hot topic issue of having another child is pending in our house, since the hubs and I disagree on this very sensitive subject.

Most recently, I have been handling pending insurance claims and financial bits of life, and even though that is extremely insignificant in the grand scheme of things, I find the stress of constantly dealing with it seeping into my contentedness.

Sometimes, I even apply that word to myself. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I was a nanny and a teacher and now I am a stay at home Mommy. But that too, will come to an end when he starts school in a few years, and I’m not sure what direction my life will go in then.

So I find myself here today feeling like I’m on hold, just waiting for the next thing to happen. My life is not bad, or overly exhilarating, it is just there….

Pending.

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25 thoughts on “Pending

  1. Pingback: Follow the links | east.bay.writer

  2. Life is very often full of pending moments. I’m having one right now trying to figure out what to do for my daughter for school next year. I hope all of your pending decisions work out for the best.

    • Thank you so much. I am so sorry you are having a pending moment right now. It is such a frustrating place to be. School decisions are so hard. I hope that it all gets worked out for you soon!

  3. Oh, I hear you on pending. We are waiting to move right now and everything is up in the air…school for the kids, activities, etc. I told my husband the other day that I feel like our life is on pause. So, yes, I totally get it!

    p.s. Glad to have found your blog! Thanks for stopping by mine the other day. 🙂

    • Oh my goodness, moving is so very hard, especially with little ones. I hope that it goes very smoothly for you; that is such a stressful time. I am so glad to have found yours too! So nice to “meet” new blogging friends! 🙂

  4. This is so touching and poignant. I could relate to much of it.
    Sometimes that pending is the stage of life we’re in. Babies and toddlers can be all-consuming. I hope you give yourself a lot of grace on that one.
    Waiting can be so tough. Make sure in the middle of it you get to some ‘doing’ even if it’s the littlest thing. It’s still significant. Don’t discount the small steps forward in your life. 🙂

    • “Don’t discount the small steps forward in your life.” – I love this. Your words are always so powerful and inspiring. I am so honored by your sweet comments!

  5. Yes, this. I totally and completely understand this.

    I especially love the way you wove the different meanings and ways and kinds of “on hold.” And the relationships one? Wowsa, relatable.

    (Wonderful post, friend.)

    • It is such a strange place to be! And not to even know what you are waiting for….it kind of drives me crazy. So glad to know this is a relate-able feeling!

  6. If you’re worried about the next thing you can’t enjoy right now. I say love and cherish every moment you have in Richmond as a stay at home mom because you’ll never have right now again. And you don’t want to wake up one day realizing you spent 4 years pending. And I have no doubt that you can (and will) do whatever you set your heart out to do.

  7. Sigh, I know just what your mean. So frustrating – and the worst kind, because by definition you can’t do anything to change the situation in some cases. But in other cases you can, and TRUST ME, if there’s something that’s pending and really bothering you, you should pick up your skirt and do something about it if possible. You’ll be glad you did. 🙂

    • “You should pick up your skirt and do something about it” – love this advice. You are so right. Thank you so much for your encouraging words!

  8. omg – thats exactly how I feel about my entire life right now! We are also doing my husbands 4 years of grad and then will be moving again. I’m starting (just a little) to like where we are (just a little bit) but I’m afraid to really like it and make friends because I know we are leaving soon. “Pending” is basically how I would describe everything right now.

    • We are on the four year plan too! Even though I actually really like Richmond, it is hard to plant roots knowing that we will be leaving in such a short time. I also feel that being a stay at home mom can be very isolating in a new city. It seems like we have so much in common!!

  9. I get it too. And Kimberly hit the nail on the head. We all could use that reminder. We create our thoughts and our thoughts create our future. Although in the case of your husband waiting to be relocated…that’s a toughy! Have a great day!

    • Thank you so much. I agree, that little reminder that we do have power is so important. Thank you so much for your kind words…I hope you have a wonderful day too!

    • “Thing is we can make things happen.” Thank you so much for this reminder. It is so easy for me to get stuck and forget that I am, in fact, a powerful woman. 🙂 Love you sweet friend!

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