Nicholas Sparks Is A Liar

“You deserve to be kissed every day, every hour, every minute,” comes the line booming from the TV complete with the sexy undertones of Zac Efron’s voice and a romantically themed musical score.

I was having a down day, and because I was in the middle of crying while watching my DVR recorded season finale of Up All Night, (which involved a tear jerking proposal that I had to watch because oh-my-goodness-I-LOVE-that-show), I was already a sappy mess. And then here comes this commercial for The Lucky One. I was completely wrapped up in it. I was mesmerized by the intensity and the passion and the love story. My mind wandered and became wistful. No sooner had Zac Efron delivered his line then my husband let out a loud disgusting burp simultaneous with the sound of my toddler yelling from the bathroom, “Mommy?! I pooted! Wipe my bottom!”

*sigh*

I think if it weren’t for the fact that I knew crying over the culmination of that moment would just make me look like an unstable mess, I totally would’ve broken down right there. But instead I just sighed and asked my burping husband if he might go handle the toddler’s bottom wiping needs.

So you see, The Lucky One-based-on-a-novel-by-Nicholas-Sparks, suggesting that the leading lady needs to be kissed every day, every hour, and every minute, is crap. I don’t have time for kissing every minute. I have stuff to do. You can’t just let toddlers sit around with poo on their bottoms. And who really wants to engage in a kiss with a person who just freshly burped? Gross.

On top of that, if I’m getting kissed every minute, when would I have time to do other stuff like dishes or laundry or drive my kid to preschool or, I don’t know, watch totally ridiculous romantic movies?

You see, it is these kind of movies that get our hopes up. That make us think that somewhere out there is this guy who will love us so intently that he just can’t wait to kiss us every minute. Who will love you with an unwavering passion and create a love story worthy of a movie. That one day we will grow up and meet Prince Charming and live happily ever after. I am not falling for it.

Maybe there’s some of that intensity in the beginning of a relationship, but then it becomes a marriage with real life things to deal with and babies to take care of and it’s hard to find one minute alone with your partner, let alone multiple minutes in which to kiss them.

Why can’t we be more realistic about this? Why can’t we make a movie where the leading man strides up to the leading lady and says, “Hey baby, I know you’ve had a long day, why don’t I clean the livingroom while you sit on the couch. And I promise I won’t try to kiss you because I know you are not in the mood after dealing with the toddler all day.”

Or something else wonderfully romantic, like these amazing Ryan Gosling memes from digitalmomblog.com.  Swoon!

15 0 15 Sweet Words for Moms from Ryan Goslingoriginal image source: bangersandnash.com

01 0 15 Sweet Words for Moms from Ryan Gosling
Or my favorite,
06 You Look Great in Your Sweatpants: 10 Things Any SAHM Would Love to Hear
source: Babble.com

And can we please be realistic with our story endings? Nobody lives happily ever after. They LIVE. Which means ups and downs and successes and failures and happiness and sadness and monotony and excitement and elation and exhaustion. (Did you catch that? Shameless blog plug.)

Why don’t we say “and they lived mostly happily except on the days when they never got any sleep because of the baby and money was tight and the house needed maintenance and the husband never remembered to pick up his dirty socks.” Or something else more clever and less cryptic than “happily ever after.”

I’m not a total romantic movie hater. Nicholas Sparks was my favorite author for years and I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve read The Notebook. And that movie? Swoon! (Or maybe I just have a thing for Ryan Gosling.)

Either way, I was into all that a long time ago. Before I got married. Before I really understood that this love and marriage thing? Is hard. 

Aren’t we doing ourselves a disservice by romanticizing the realities of long-term relationships? Are we setting ourselves up for disappointment when our real lives can’t measure up to the love stories we see portrayed on TV? Or are these movies meant to re-inspire that part of ourselves that gets lost in the daily business of real life? Do we still yearn for this type of romance even though we know it’s not realistic?

I may not have all of the answers, but I maintain my original stance. The “you need to be kissed every minute” line? Is bad. I just don’t have time for that, people. I have poo to wipe.

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12 thoughts on “Nicholas Sparks Is A Liar

  1. A resounding yes!! Cleaning out the dishwasher, mowing the lawn, taking my kids out so I can have the house to myself is love.
    This post made me laugh, by the way. I can totally hear that movie trailer. Every minute…puh-leeze.

  2. to me? handling that buns wipe is just as romantic as a kiss anyday. it is redefining our expectations of love that keep it fresh, keep it strong. {and ryan gossling.. i mean, wait. what?}

    • This is really profound to me. Of course, you are right. It is the redefining of what love means that keeps us falling in love over and over. Thank you so much for putting it all in perspective for me.

  3. Oh, I think it’s an indulgence, or maybe a fairy tale we like to tell ourselves to make laundry and butt wiping more tolerable. But yes, it’s all a pretty lie, at least Sparks’ version.

  4. I absolutely.loved.this.post! So true and so familiar is the sound of a toddler yelling “come wipe my buuuuuutttttt!!!!!” lol and yes, I have way too much stuff to do than kiss and cuddle and act out movie scenes

    • I am so, so glad I am not the only one NOT living in a fairy tale. This marriage and kid thing is SO different from the way it’s made out to be in movies.

    • Thank you! This is a deviation from my normal writing style…but it just came out!
      I wish we could talk more openly about realities and the absence of “happily ever after,” and instead be content with the existence of “happily in REAL life.” But, I suppose, those are two different concepts. And the “real life” part doesn’t make for a good movie. 🙂

  5. Oh Julia, lol. I have to say I am 200% ignoring you and continuing to believe in happily ever after. That’s what us singles have to do. Furthermore, you DO deserve (key word) to be kissed every moment of everyday. Because we are all worthy of love at any given time. And while it may not look like it does in the movies, the message is still applicable; love is a wonderful and beautiful thing.

    • LOL. How I love your mind. Good for you for continuing to seek your happily ever after. Thank you for these lovely words about love and that everyone deserves to be kissed everyday. It’s such a sweet and comforting idea.
      But seriously? I don’t have time for that. 🙂

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