Little Moments

Things that have made me smile today:

  • Dropping my son off at pre-school for his second day in the three-year-old class, knowing that he will have fun and that he is in such good hands with teachers that will love him and take good care of him.
  • Driving alone in my car, listening to the radio a little too loudly.
  • Getting my first Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte of the season today from baristas that know my name, ask about my little boy, and know my order.
  • Sitting on my back deck feeling the beautiful breeze as it floats the scent of the “Autumn Festival” Yankee Candle I have burning beside me into the air.
  • Surrounding myself with silence, typing, tastes and scents that relax me.
  • Taking the time to ignore the chores and choosing to listen to life’s little pleasures.
  • Remembering that before there were days of mommyhood, there were days of me.
  • Giving thanks for this life, this house, this moment, and all of the blessings that have gotten me to this day, this time, this now.

My perfect fall morning.

A Bumped Head and A Heavy Heart

I feel like a terrible Mommy. My little guy had two trips to the emergency room last week. Once last Tuesday, when he fell backwards and hit his head. There was so much blood I panicked, but by the time we made it up to the hospital it had stopped and revealed that it was really just a small cut, nothing major. We weren’t even admitted.  I felt so silly, but everyone was very nice and reassured me that it’s ok, scalp wounds are usually not major they just bleed a lot, which makes them scary.

Then Saturday, after taking a shower, my little guy was wrapped in a towel. He slipped on the bath mat and fell face first on the edge of the step into the walk in shower. He got a huge gash in his chin, and once again, a lot of blood. This time, the hubs was home. We tried to treat it at home, but quickly realized that a band-aid was not going to solve this problem. With the fear that he needed stitches, we went to the ER. They decided it wasn’t quite deep enough for stitches, but it did need Dermabond and steristrips, which are basically just stronger adhesives to hold the wound together until it can form a scab itself.

Then, on Monday, he was being a little rambunctious during the weekly music class we go to. He was trying to climb on me but he pulled too hard or I didn’t hold tight enough, and somehow he fell, bumping the back of his head so hard on the floor that it made an audible bump, causing all of the other mothers and the teacher to look at us and gasp. I took him outside and comforted him.

But I also needed some comfort myself. The hubs says it’s ok, he’s just a boy, boys get bumps and bruises. But three head injuries in one week? I feel terrible. It’s been ok, and he’s fine. But today, I had to send him to school with a note explaining the band-aid over his steristrips to make sure he doesn’t pull them off. And that’s when I felt like a terrible mom. Because it’s humiliating to have to send your little guy to school with a big band-aid and a note that basically confesses: I’m not a good mom. I didn’t protect my child from falling, and he is hurt.

I know he’s a boy. And he’s fine. And accidents happen. But I still wish that I could somehow be a better protector of this sweet little boy that I love so much.